Thanks – wait, what make are these, bleah, yeurgh, sorry to spit, but you know Walkers advertise in the Fail, I can’t eat them on principle. Course I’ve never bought it, since when do you have to buy something to boycott it, but I’ve deleted the app, I’m totally not clicking on links and anyone who advertises there, forget it, that’s why everyone’s getting Lego for Christmas. Well, if Mum doesn’t want Lego, maybe she should ask herself why she reads a racist, hate-filled rag that supported Hitler, did you see what it said about those judges? I had to click, for research purposes, no, of course I’m not worried about being turned into a nationalistic homophobic misogynist philistine hater, what do you think I am, stupid?
I’m not saying it’s easy, there was a copy in the hairdresser’s recommending this eyeliner, then I thought, wait, am I seriously putting that on my face? What kind of person wears an eyeliner that might be bought by people who like Richard Littlejohn? And no way am I shopping in Boots again, they’re advertising, and practically all the supermarkets. I wish Lego did shampoo, groceries and broadband, BT’s still in there, I checked. The odd glance won’t hurt, mind it was easier boycotting South Africa, you didn’t find apartheid lying around in the hairdresser’s with Kardashians on the front, I can’t think she’ll stay with him, can you. And don’t forget the Sun, I know I’m not their target reader, that’s not the point, because actually, it’s me who’ll pay for it, because I like watching Strictly, so I’ve cut myself off from two major sources of information purely on principle, plus there’s the potential damage to my own career. What if I directed a Hollywood movie and had to ban them from seeing it?
There’s all kinds of sacrifices. I couldn’t live with myself if I agreed to go out with someone who read the Sun or the Fail or the Express or the Telegraph or the Spectator, exactly, or the Times, now Gove writes for them, so, with their combined readership, it’s me who’ll suffer, but you have to draw a line somewhere, don’t you, no matter what it costs?