Tim Farron was just stepping up to his party conference podium when Brangelina split. Cue TV gags about Hollywood ructions ruining Tim’s big day. So of course a Facebook furore and Twitter deluge followed the Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie rupture (while the Bun and the Mirror cleared six or eight pages and __more upmarket editors pondered which way to turn).
But is past behaviour any real guide to divorce news today? Celebrity magazine sales on both sides of the Atlantic are far from their lofty peak and sliding. Pitt plays grizzled heroes these days; Jolie seems happier behind a camera, directing. Six children are many things, but not perhaps the guarantee of continuing rose-tinted romance. Pitt’s previous marriage to Jennifer Aniston is old news, remembered in tranquillity by Friends fans who were young at the time.
So what did it all – the millions of the words, the melee of “sources” – add up too? When in doubt, turn to another hangover of great gossiping past: Perez Hilton, busily aggregating the tales of cancelled rapture for his dotcom followers. He started with 35 stories from different sites (and building). Including: “It’s rumoured that the actress was ‘fed up’ with Brad’s alleged substance abuse and anger issues.” “Angelina reportedly hired private eye to uncover alleged affair with Marion Cotillard.” “Close sources say divorce had nothing to do with cheating.” “Marion Cotillard addresses affair rumours AND announces she’s pregnant with her second baby.” The couple “fought a lot over the years as __more details surrounding their shocking divorce come to light”.
A forest of allegedly in a shocking swamp of reportedly. No revelation standing tall for more than a few nanoseconds (except perhaps “Watch the exact moment George Clooney found out about the divorce!”) Who cares about so much mutually self-cancelling tosh across acres of pages and screens?
At least the web can float and junk it in a trice. Click once for oblivion. Without, indeed, even pausing to address the resonant question posed by Louise Mensch’s Heat Street site: “Did Angelina’s friendship with British Lord William Hague freeze out Brad?”
Or perhaps they just couldn’t agree about Brexit.